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Archive for the ‘Monday Musings’ Category

My life has been turned upside down since my last posts. The family all ended up with Swine Flu. My baby & I ended up with pneumonia for 4 months. Holidays. Economy. Family. Housework. The sun exploding into a million pieces and raining down upon us. Okay…maybe not that last one but that’s what I feel like.

Hubby has been climbing that ladder lately that included gobs of travel all in the midst of him finishing his last terms in his Masters program. Oy vey! And just when I was thinking it was all past us and he finished his thesis/presentation class…the day after he gets A PROMOTION to IT Director. Ugh.

We’ve been waiting for years for him to cross to that level and many would think it would be great news in this economy except that Corporate wants him to work at a site TWO STATES away.

Well for the past two months I have been pretty much a single mom raising a teen and a toddler. Enough to make me pull my hair out. I am more exhausted now then I was right after the baby came. It’s a hamster wheel that I can’t seem to get a break from.

Well my lovely YCDI Secret Sister sent me the most wonderful gift the other day that turned my frown upside-down. I opened my mailbox to find two motivational books. My heart sang to see that one was ‘The Blue Zones‘ by Dan Buettner. But the one that really seemed to be what I needed was ‘Total Mom Makeover‘ by Hannah Keeley.

This gift fit me so well as I picked up the ‘Total Mom Makeover’ book and began flipping through it. I couldn’t put it down as it screamed to me that I was the only one accountable for the condition that my health, happiness, and household were in. Accountability…or as another blog put it Put Your Oxygen Mask on First Before Helping Your Children with Theirsseemed to be the exact slap in the face I needed.

I’m not helping anyone in my current state and condition and I need to come up and take a few breaths before trying to help others. This book, I can tell, will be an emotional roller-coaster that may force me to look in the mirror and come to a few realizations. We shall see…

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I used to be such a go-getter…

After many awkward, confused years through high school and college I had finally grown up and “found myself”. I was on my way to inner happiness, peace, and stability. 

But it seems that just when I got into a groove, I became lazy enough to hit cruise control and managed to fall asleep at the wheel. Suddenly this week I was jolted awake by a bump in the road only to find that I had gotten off “my” path and taken a short detour.

I don’t where it was that I veered off. I have had several “life milestones” over the years – marriage, forced retirement, home purchase & sale, childbirth, etc – and through it all I thought that I had retained my hopes, wishes, and goals.

It was having a child that I think was the fork in the road for my life. And slowly over the past couple of years I’ve gone from knowing to pretending in my heart.

I was enjoying mommy-dom so much during the first year. But when little B was just 14 months old, I got the bad news that I needed major back surgery. Faced with overcoming a spinal tumor, herniated disk, and pinched sciatic nerve I figured I could take on the world. Everything was so new and fresh. But soon, daunted with the tasks of limited mobility, physical therapy, and assistance devices, I just started to get worn down.

I was only going through life at 25%. And as time passed by I became overwhelmed by everything that had piled up and taken over in my life. House cleaning, emails, friendships, celebrations…all of it had gotten out of hand.

I’ve moved into the “living day-to-day” muck that I had tried to stay away from. Just like a job, my mommy career has me feeling like I have to clock-in and clock-out and several days I look at the clock just watching the minutes tick by while waiting for the next shift to come in to relieve me.

I was fortunate enough to get some “time off” and go to a movie last week. It was one with such a positive message about chasing ones dreams and overcoming shortcomings to meet some “greater than oneself” goal. It was ominous and I spent the better part of a weekend evaluating where I was and where I had been.

I realized that I needed to take this rest stop and do a little soul searching. I got in touch with my other go-getter friends and told them that I needed to find “myself” again. In an effort to be accountable and to force real introspection, I decided to put pen to paper and “Dare To Dream”!

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