Monday Musings: It Was Just A Detour Not A U-Turn

I used to be such a go-getter…

After many awkward, confused years through high school and college I had finally grown up and “found myself”. I was on my way to inner happiness, peace, and stability. 

But it seems that just when I got into a groove, I became lazy enough to hit cruise control and managed to fall asleep at the wheel. Suddenly this week I was jolted awake by a bump in the road only to find that I had gotten off ”my” path and taken a short detour.

I don’t where it was that I veered off. I have had several “life milestones” over the years – marriage, forced retirement, home purchase & sale, childbirth, etc – and through it all I thought that I had retained my hopes, wishes, and goals.

It was having a child that I think was the fork in the road for my life. And slowly over the past couple of years I’ve gone from knowing to pretending in my heart.

I was enjoying mommy-dom so much during the first year. But when little B was just 14 months old, I got the bad news that I needed major back surgery. Faced with overcoming a spinal tumor, herniated disk, and pinched sciatic nerve I figured I could take on the world. Everything was so new and fresh. But soon, daunted with the tasks of limited mobility, physical therapy, and assistance devices, I just started to get worn down.

I was only going through life at 25%. And as time passed by I became overwhelmed by everything that had piled up and taken over in my life. House cleaning, emails, friendships, celebrations…all of it had gotten out of hand.

I’ve moved into the “living day-to-day” muck that I had tried to stay away from. Just like a job, my mommy career has me feeling like I have to clock-in and clock-out and several days I look at the clock just watching the minutes tick by while waiting for the next shift to come in to relieve me.

I was fortunate enough to get some “time off” and go to a movie last week. It was one with such a positive message about chasing ones dreams and overcoming shortcomings to meet some “greater than oneself” goal. It was ominous and I spent the better part of a weekend evaluating where I was and where I had been.

I realized that I needed to take this rest stop and do a little soul searching. I got in touch with my other go-getter friends and told them that I needed to find “myself” again. In an effort to be accountable and to force real introspection, I decided to put pen to paper and “Dare To Dream”!

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